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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 33
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Hi everyone,
Sorry to hear that some of you are struggling with your health at the moment, hope you all get
some sort of resolve and start to feel better soon, I know I dont have RA but it such a wicked disease,
and so many people dont realise the problems it causes.
Yesterday, 22nd was our wedding anniversary, I woke at 5.30am in tears, I still dont sleep very well
even with anti deps and sleeping tablets, seeing gp again next week, got myself ready after loads more tears
and then took my beautiful flowers to the church and sat with him for a while, just talking and crying, as I sat
there a white feather floated down and landed in his flowers, so I knew he was with me. Wherever I go there is always
a butterfly lands in front of me or a white feather floats down so he is there and I feel so at peace and am able to
carry on with what I am doing.
I wasn't on my own very much yesterday, as although Pete was not here people still came and brought me gifts and loads
of flowers, I could open my own shop at the minute, I used my last vase up last night and am running out of places to put them,
I cant even take them to Pete because everyone went there too and gave him flowers as well, so he has the most colourful grave
in the churchyard and it looks beautiful.
Also, I ordered a special rose bush for him, My Darling Husband, It arrived yesterday, so my sister helped me to plant it for him,
I put it in a large container so that I can put it where I want to in the garden, we also planted a rose that our daughter bought
when she was here last week, Loving Memory, I put that out the front under the lounge window so that I can see the roses through
the window.
All in all, it was not a bad day, but when I went to bed I cried and cried, I love him more and more and I miss him so much, it really
hurts, I have woken in tears again this morning and just felt I needed to tell someone so I hope you dont mind.
I am going out tomorrow with our boys so will look forward to that, just have to get through today, off to the church soon, to find
some peace, so lovely there, best place ever, except Port Lympne, where I can sit on his bench and enjoy the tigers, still no more
news there yet as Ingrid is such a good mum they wont disturb her.
Anyway thanks for listening to me waffling on.
Lots of love to you all
Carol XXXX
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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Carole, I'm so glad you were able to acknowledge your Wedding Anniversary in such a beautiful way. That is one huge hurdle to get over.. How amazing about the white feather because when my sisters husband died someone told her that every time she sees a white feather it will mean that an angel has visited her and he is near her. And believe me there have been some amazing coincidences with white feathers appearing over the years and to this day she finds it comforting. YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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I am pleased to read you were able to release all the tears you needed to Carol.
I'm not sure about the feathers and butterflies but I do think God sends us some comfort in his created beautiful things at times of terrible emotional pain, which seems to comfort the soul.
Much love
Jenni xxhow to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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Well done for getting through the day of your wedding anniversary Carol.
My heart goes out to you, I really can not imagine being in your shoes.
You are so right to just take one day at a time and I'm glad you can write things on here so that we can listen and maybe help just a little by being here.
It's lovely that you are getting the white feathers, surely it is Pete's way of letting you know he is there for you.
Love and hugs, Doreen xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,110 Location: London
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Carol, thank you for telling us about your anniversary. What a lovely and thoughtful lot of friends you have bringing so many flowers to you and Pete. It's wonderful that you feel him near you especially in the church and when you go to see his tigers. Enjoy your day with your sons, and I hope the days become easier in timeBARBARA
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2010 Posts: 914
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Hi Carol, My heart goes out to you, it must be terrible trying to come to terms with your loss. I've heard of the white feather before I'm sure Pete is trying to let you know he is with you. Your idea of a rose in a pot is a lovely idea, remember to water it daily though as they don't hold the water the same as in the ground. I have roses in pots and they were looking beautiful but I was away to Norway and Ken was watering all my conservatory plants but forgot to water my roses, he thought the rain would be enough. But they were worse for wear when I came home. A bit of TLC to my roses and they will be as good as new. I'm glad your tablets are helping you but if you feel it is not enough go back and see your doctor again, he could up them a bit to get you through the worse of things. I have been on them myself in the past and have had them upped when things were difficult. Sending lots of love. Lorna xx 
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Hi Carol, That must have been such a hard day for you - the tears will keep coming, but you have your dear Pete with you in spirit, as he will be for as long as you need him. It`s a lovely idea about the roses for the garden - we have a beautiful flagpole cherry which we planted when my mam died, and now it`s so tall and straight, and aways referred to as "mam`s tree," or "gran`s tree" by our sons. Take care, Kathleen x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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Oh Carol - wish I could just come round and give you a hug 
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,582 Location: Oxfordshire
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Oh Carol,
I really feel moved by your posts- your love is so deep and true and so few people are blessed with this in their life times.
God is very close to you- it may not feel like that at times but you are being carried by the prayers of others.
Love,
Amanda
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 872
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grandvoyager wrote: just felt I needed to tell someone so I hope you dont mind. Of course we don't mind Carol, i think i speak for everyone to say we feel honoured you are able to share, hope it helps you to know we are all here for you, Take care Carol xx lots of gentle hugs from Liz xxXxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 856
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Dear Carol- as Li said, of course we don't mind. I feel privileged that you share such personal and moving things with us. I hope that it helps you.
Much love
Maria
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 33
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Hi everyone
Thankyou for all the love and especially the big hug from Jean, that put a smile on my face
and Pete would have laughed, it means so much from people I have not met, I feel privelaged
to be part of this and to get so much love and support is truly wonderful.
We met up with some of Petes art friends yesterday as it was their annual exhibition and they
had asked if I would exhibit some of Petes work, our sons took me and stayed with me, as I was
not sure if I would be able to cope, but as soon as I got out of the car three of them came to meet
me and gave me the biggest hugs ever and said they were so glad I had come, they had missed
me, loads of tears, but glad that I went, I then spent most of the time being hugged or friends just
sitting holding my hand, I think they just wanted to feel close to Pete again, as they all said they
missed him very much. It was a lovely day and it finished off with dinner at Stuarts house and being
spoiled. Could get used to this.
Went to the church to say goodnight to Pete and told him about my day and lit his candle for the
grandchildren and then came home to the dogs, who had really missed me too.
Thankyou for being here it does help.
Lots of love
Carol XXXX
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Hello Carol
I am so pleased that you had such a smashing day with all your friends, its done you the world of good, just what you needed.
Thinking of you, love Julia xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/10/2009 Posts: 653 Location: Notts
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Hello Carol
It sounds as if you have a really good supportive group of friends, I'm sure that gives you a lot of comfort. I'm glad you got your roses, they will be there with you throughout this time of grieving.
Please do carry on posting, we are here to give support to anyone who needs it.
Lyn
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 216
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sending you a big hug and lots of love; you need all the support you can get right now, until the first pain eases a little and you can see a way forward. Take time for yourself, and always remember we are here for you. Love Lxx Always be aware that what you do might hurt others........and if it could, do nothing without careful consideration of the consequences
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